#problem solver subroutines

[aliensfromgiediseekingpetroleum]

Problem-solver functions

Problem solver subroutines

Solve problems

[there-was-a-hole-here-itsgonenow]

Hello anon and @stranger-chichka! Thank you for tagging me here (and for your kind words!); this is a FANTASTIC (and not weird at all) insight and theory by anon! Thank you for bringing it into awareness!! The Wheeler jump, dummy number/‘actions,’ the jumping motif for Mike… for me, I’m getting reminded of my theory regarding Mike’s Rubik’s cube and him being the ultimate problem solver.

If you know about gridgate, anon, I write my theory as Mike possibly needing to be a part of or within this grid/web Vecna has set up to entrap everyone (I often wonder if it has to do with the void). There is a completed Rubik’s cube on Mike’s nightstand in s1 after learning Will is still alive, which we can assume Mike himself completed. The Rubik’s cube shows the grid pattern many have come to recognize. Mike would need both El and Will to do it, based on the color theory that appears in that cube (and in another grid that appear for Mike in that scene and on his fort while he’s inside it trying to communicate with El in s2).

I’ll admit I’m terrible with understanding computer science or anything to do with numbers… but I’m getting some ideas due to these amazing coding references. The parts about Mike sending codes to the wrong places (platonic ones where romantic ones should be and vice-versa) and the notion of the closed subroutine paired with my thoughts on Mike + Will and El ‘breaking’ the grid/web might hold the answer due to Mike making a ‘jump?’ I sometimes wonder if going back in time/jumping back in time (Back to the Future references among others regarding time, including clock and the many times on those clocks that weave together) might be synonymous with jumping back in time mentally, through memories. Memories are a part of time; they are an indication of time having passed and leave a “trail” of sorts to follow back. Certain jumps back in memory lead to unlocking an answer and thus solving a root issue.

This is a simplified conclusion, but it’s another interpretation to draw. There’s so much to draw from this and could mean so many things! Not to mention, two keys needed to close the gate! Chichka, you already know how much I love the “two men, two key” reference! Blue meets yellow in the west is already a code that involves two people, Mike and Will themselves. They are ultimately needed to close ALL of this, I still think!

Anon, I’ll place a link to my rubikscubegate post here for you to see if you like. I do think it could hold some possible answers for what you’ve discussed here!

Rubikscubegate - Mike’s final strategy theory

-

Also, stranger-chichka, you’re an excellent analyst; don’t sell yourself or your great mind short!

And thank you again for tagging me! Hopefully I can add more later! 💛

Hi! So, first of all, you are one of my favorite blogs and i adore your analyses on ST. So, because of that i thought i could share this thing i just found out a few days ago... sorry in advance if it gets too long.

I'm a computer science student, and a few days ago in one of my classes my professor started talking about the evolution of technology and specifically computers (i know this sounds irrelevant but).. as he was talking he mentioned one specific company that caught my attention - Sinclair Research Ltd.

Since i'm obsessed with everything Stranger Things, i decided to check on it. Apparently the were big in the scene in th 70s-80s these days they mostly do research. Since it was computer related i decided then to check for Henderson, since he is the one most related to computers.

This took me nowhere, but i was adamant to find something. Anything. So i decided to move on to the next.

I looked for anything Wheeler related in computer science. And get this;

In the 50s, David Wheeler invented a way to jump through different parts of a code to do different operations. Like, if in the middle of your code you want to sum two numbers, and that's something you'll need to do over and over, instead of writing the same code for the operation over and over (which would make the program heavier) you create a subroutine, you leave a trail to follow, say, a dummy number. The program jumps, to where you want it and then after it it goes back to where it was before, or wherever you want it to go.

Now, the interesting thing about this jump in the subroutine is its name.

This is called a 'Wheeler Jump".

Now, since the upside down is stucked in 1983 and to hide from Vecna you need a happy memory, a memory of light, which implies the past, how we are thrown off by the painting being of the party and not the swingset as many Bylers believed, the weird monologue which i find like a bad copy paste from the one in the shed and how Vecna is related to clocks, i believe Mike is gonna jump. Here could go some thought about Mike jumping from the cliff in season 1 and how Ted asked Mike in s2, if one of his friends jumped if he would jump too. I do not even know what could any of that mean but I've read theories on Labyrinth, Back to the Future, flickergate, and Mike going missing and lettergate. It could be any of those, or none of them, because a coincidence could actually happen.

My personal bet goes to:

We've seen Mike trying to send a message-a code- (his real feelings), but because of dummy actions they were sent the wrong place (his platonic feelings were sent to were the romantic ones were suppose to go and vice-versa).

Anyways, Mike jumping could possibly have a lot of meanings, so i thought to share a weird base (?) for anyone wanting to use it in any theory or something.

Hi, anon! <3

I’m not that of an analyst really, but thank you for your sweet words and I appreciate someone like the stuff I come up with at times.

The things you wrote about are SO INTERESTING, thanks for sharing it with me!!! I’m sure there MUST be connection between “Wheeler Jump” and Mike’s character, especially considering that Mike has got that poster of a man with computer in his basement. The man who happen to be Charles Babbage. The one who is credited with inventing the first mechanical computer. The one who is referred to as “father of computing.”

What made me even more excited about everything you’ve mentioned is:

- David Wheeler is credited with the invention of the subroutine, which is referred to as the CLOSED subroutine (and Mike is in the CLOSET), and gave the first explanation of how to design software libraries (I see librarygate everywhere, lmao);

- he was born in Birmingham and the Cali crew went to Bingham’s house so Suzie could help them with the number to trace the computer’s location in s4 (Mike comes up with that idea). Not to mention Suzie was the one who told Planck's Constant in s3 which was the code the commies used for the safe in which two keys were. The keys needed to stop the machine from opening the gate. To CLOSE the gate. And in the beginning of s4 Suzie also hacked into Hawkins school computer program to change Dustin’s grades (he is later shown discussing it with Mike during).

“Mike trying to send a message/a code (his real feelings), but because of dummy actions they were sent to the wrong place (his platonic feelings were sent to were the romantic ones were suppose to go and vice-versa).”

So, basically, Mike got lost in his own feelings because of his closed subroutine that theoretically should’ve made everything easier for him??? Suzie helped him with the number (the number=Mike’s feelings) and there’s one person in the show who says “I’m good with numbers.” Erica Sinclair. Erica, who drinks Minute Maid Grape Juice that is a reference to Queen’s music video on the song “I Want To Break Free.” Erica, who refers to Lucas as Jason’s boyfriend in the most careless and normal way possible. And there’s so much more. She mentions Nintendo to Jason and then the Cali crew (Mike & Will in particular) is lying to Suzie about the same goddamn Nintendo (oops, sorry, Americantendo). Erica, who’s on the poster RHE HEART with the rest of the party (x).

Also, Will’s school project was about Alan Turing - mathematician, computer scientist and codebreaker.

Unfortunately, I can’t go deeper here because I’m a total zero at IT and maths but everything you’ve mentioned is related to the code and one more code in the show is “when blue meets yellow in the west.” What also serves as a code in ST? Music. I already wrote about how the Duffers use the songs and original soundtracks to tell us more about what’s really happening in the show and to deliver the message that is somehow sensitive. Something they wants to make a huge plot twist for the GA. Mike’s orientation. He is in the CLOSET. If music is a code for us to better understand the show and the characters, it means that characters’ Spotify playlists are as much important as the show itself. @lesbianmindflayer analyses both Mike’s and Will’s playlists so I highly recommend to subscribe on her YouTube channel and follow her here. Almost every song on Mike’s playlist is about running. He’s running form his true self. Do I even have to mention “Smalltown Boy” being the first song on the playlist?

In s4 it’s said “Music reaches parts of the brain words can't.” The Duffers don’t use plain text to say “Mike Wheeler’s gay” or “Byler endgame”, but they use music for that. “Being in the Closet (at Rink-O-Mania)” is one of many examples of how they’re doing it. Not to mention other queer coding such as ONE WAY sign, closets etc.

@bylerschmyler @there-was-a-hole-here-itsgonenow your additions always make every post better so I’m really interested in your thoughts on it!

[malikfrazier35-blog]

Excel/VBA for Creative Problem Handling, Portion 1

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[longwindow]

Hp 32s rpn scientific calculator manual

#Hp 32s rpn scientific calculator manual code#

After entering a single program, the user could solve for any variable.įor example, given a change in velocity over time problem expressed by the equation: f = i + at The RPN Solver on the HP-32S allowed the user to enter a program which accepted multiple variables and computed f(a, b, c. To use the root finder the user wrote a function that accepted x, and left f(x) in the X register. The HP-34C had introduced the first built-in root-finder which could solve for f(x) = 0 expressed as an RPN program. The HP-32S featured to the first RPN solver. Integer, fraction, rounding, absolute value.Labeled Input/Output via the INPUT and VIEW commands.(Although the calculator optimized integer numbers from 1 to 99 into 1.5 Byte lines.)

#Hp 32s rpn scientific calculator manual code#

Any number fit on one code line but those code lines require 9.5 Bytes. Most program lines required 1.5 Bytes of memory but the calculator used fully merged keycodes - including numbers. (In fact, in large program listings, HP typically listed a checksum every dozen or so lines so the user could find mistakes quickly.) This gave the user assurance that the program was entered correctly. The index could be stored with STO i, and an indirect store could be done via STO (i).Īnother new feature was the program checksum. Indirection was available via the i variable which was distinct from the I variable. Unlike most previous models, this one checked for duplicate labels and produced an error message. (Like A01.) For very long functions, the next 100 lines were displayed as A.01-A.99 and the next hundred as A,01-A,99. To aid in navigating programs, line numbers began with the most recent label followed by two digits. The calculator used label addressing and allowed subroutine nesting to seven levels deep. The programming features were impressive for a calculator of its price. This was handy for debugging since it didn't affect the stack. A single variable could be displayed without entering it on the stack by pressing VIEW followed by the letter. All the variables could be scanned with the VAR command. The letters A-Z where printed to the sides of the keys. When RCL or STO was pressed, an A.Z annunciator appeared. The lettered variables were not allocated from memory until used and they could be individually deallocated by simply storing 0 in them. While these variables were used in much the same way as numeric registers, they were more than just a relabeling. The calculator used the 27 lettered variables A-Z and i (indirection) rather than numbered variables. The Functions that could be prefixed with CMPLX were:īecause there was no complex "mode" and no "complex stack" as on the HP-15C, complex numbers were each entered into two levels of the normal stack. Instead of the HP-15C's complex mode, the HP-32S had just one mode but allowed the CMPLX key to be used as a prefix to the other functions in much the same way other calculators used HYP or ARC prefixes on trigonometric functions. Obvious error messages (like Divide By 0.).Variables instead of numbered registers (see below.).Complex Arithmetic functions (see below.).(With windowing to view long binary numbers.) Binary, octal, decimal and hexadecimal bases.Numeric integration (of RPN functions.).Basic scientific functions including hyperbolic functions.

[siva3155]

300+ TOP VBA Interview Questions and Answers

VBA Interview Questions for freshers experienced :-

1. What is VBA or Visual Basic for Applications? VBA stands for Visual Basic for Applications; it is an event driven programming language developed by Microsoft. It is predominantly used with Microsoft office applications like MS-word, MS-Access, and MS-Excel. 2. Explain where you can write your VBA program for Macro? Module is the place where you can write VBA program for Macro, to insert a Module navigate to Insert -> Module 3. What are the comments style used in VBA? Comments are used to document the program logic and the user information with which other programmers can work seamlessly on the same code in future. There are mainly two methods in VBA to represent comments. Any statement that begins with a single quote is treated as comment Or you can use statement REM instead of single quotation mark (‘) 4. In VBA how we can declare variable and constant? In VBA, variable can be declared with the keyword “DIM” while constant is declared with keyword “Const.” 5. What are the data types in VBA? Data types in VBA are classified into two categories Numeric Data type Non-numeric Data type Byte String (fixed length) Integer String (variable length) Long Date Single Boolean Double Object Currency Variant (numeric) Decimal Variant (text) 6. What is ADO, ODBC and OLEDB? ADO: ActiveX Data Objects or ADO is a universal data access framework that encompasses the functionality of DAO ODBC: Open Database Connectivity or ODBC is a technology that enables a database client application connect to an external database OLEDB: It is a low-level programming interface designed to access a wide variety of data access object linking and embedding (OLE) 7. Explain about function pointers in VBA? The VBA (Visual Basic Information) have flexible applications, but there is a limitation to a function pointer in VBA. Windows API has inadequate support for function pointers because it has the ability to use the function but not the functional support to call back the function. It has inbuilt support for the call but not for a callback. 8. How “reference counting” in VBA is done? In VBA, soon a variable goes out of scope, the reference counter on the reference object is decremented. When you assign the object reference to another variable, the reference counter is incremented. While when your reference count reaches to zero it terminates the event. 9. How can you decrease the reference counter explicitly? To decrease the reference counter explicitly, you need to set a variable to “Nothing”. 10. What is COM (Component Object Model) objects in VBA? COM objects are usually .dll files, and are compiled executable programs.

VBA Interview Questions 11. How can you dial a phone number through VBA? In order to dial a phone number through VBA, you need to follow the following steps Shell command in VBA can be used to start the dialer present in Windows O.S To connect to your modem, phone number can be used With the help of send keys and shell command, you can dial to your user Sendkey dictate the windows to dial according to the keystrokes of the application while Shell activates the Windows application A macro can be used to initiate the card file program which triggers the auto dialer feature 12. What is the meaning of “Option Explicit”? Where it should be used? “Option Explicit” makes the declaration of variables mandatory. Line explicit function makes the compiler to determine all the variables that are not declared by the dim statement. This command diminishes the problem of type errors significantly. It is used in VBA because it deals with information rich application in which type errors are common. Before starting any, sub-procedures it can be used inside a module. 13. How can you pass arguments to VBA functions? When arguments are passed to VBA functions, they can be passed in two ways ByVal: When argument is passed by Value, then it means that only value is passed to the procedure, and any changes that are made to the argument inside the procedure will be lost when the procedure is exited ByRef: When the argument is passed by reference than the actual address of the argument is passed to the procedure. Any changes that are made to the argument inside the procedure will be recalled when the procedure is exited 14. Explain the method that are called from the ObjectContext object to notify MTS that the transaction was unsuccessful or successful? Setabort and setcomplete method are called from the ObjectContext object to notify MTS that the transaction was unsuccessful or unsuccessful 15. What is the code to find a last used Row in a column or last used Column of a row? To find the last row in a column, the command used is End(xlUp) and to find last column in a row, the command used is End(xlToLeft). 16. Mention the difference between the Subroutines and Functions in VBA? The difference between the Subroutines and Functions is that Subroutines never return a value, but functions does return values Subroutines could change the values of the actual arguments while a function could not change the value of actual arguments 17. What is the difference between CurrentRegion properties and UsedRange? CurrentRegion: The current region is a range bounded by any combination of blank columns and rows UsedRange: This property is used to select the range of used cells on a worksheet. It returns a Range object that represents the used range on the specific worksheet 18. How to debug a VBA code? To debug a VBA code, follow the steps Using Breakpoints (F9) Step by step execution (F8) Print & Immediate Window and Watch the window 19. How can you stop VBA script when it goes into the infinite loop? By pressing Cntrl+ Pause Break key one can stop VBA script when it goes into infinite loop. 20. Mention which property of menu cannot be set at runtime? At runtime Name property of menu cannot be set. 21. Mention whether VBA have dictionary structure? Yes, VBA does have a dictionary structure. You can set a reference to dictionary like Set dict = CreateObject(“Scripting.Dictionary”) OR Dim dict as New Scripting.Dictionary 22. Mention how can you comment and uncomment blocks of code in the office VBA editor? In office VBA editor, you can comment and uncomment blocks of code by following steps In the VBA editor go to View ->Toolbars -> Customise… OR right click on the tool bar and select Customise Select the edit menu on the left, under the commands tab When you scroll down you can see two icons, “Comment Block” and “Uncomment ” When you drag and drop these onto your toolbar, you will have an easy access to highlight a block of code and do action on it 23. What does goal seek feature in excel? It allows to adjust a value used in a formula to achieve specific goal. 24. What is solver? Solver is an ad in to use for what if analysis and it can find optimal value for a formula in one cell. 25. What is offset function in excel? It is a function which returns cell or ranges and move right or left by specified number of column and rows. 26. What is Choose function in excel? It is a lookup function which returns a value from a list of values based on position. 27. What does filter in excel? It is feature which allow to retrieve the set of data based on criteria. 28. What is sort function in excel? It allows to sort the range or table by ascending or descending. 29. What is number of rows and columns in excel 2019? 1,048,576 rows and 16,384 columns. 30. What is name manager in excel? It is designed to manage names. 31. What is IFERROR function in excel? It returns custom result when a function generates error. 32. What is slicer in excel? It is new way to filter the pivot table. 33. What is sparklines in excel? It is a tiny chart in cell which provides visual representation of data. 34. What is freeze pane in excel? it is excel feature which allows to keep visible rows and columns while scrolling to other area of sheet. 35. What does hyperlink in excel? It returns hyperlink from given destination. 36. What is ribbon? It is set of toolbars at top of the window. 37. What is Macro? It allows to record the repeated tasks. 38. What is function? It is routine or procedure which performs a specific task. 39. What sub procedure? It is procedure that doesn’t return values. 40. What is User defined function? It is custom function which could be created using VBA. 41. Can be UDF be called in a macro Yes 42 What is option explicit? If a module contains Option Explicit, then variable must be declared all the variables explicitly. 43. What is array? It is group of variable and it is capable of storing more than one variable. 44. What is ReDim? It is used to size or resize a dynamic array that has been already declared. 45. What is scope of variable in excel vba? it has defined scope and it could be local variable, module level, project level and global level. 46. How to comment in excel vba? using apostrophe 47. What is variant in excel vba? It is default data type and it can hold any type of data. 48. What is CurrentRegion Properties? It is a range bounded any combination of columns and rows. 49. What is UsedRange? It is used to select the range of used cells. 50. Is vba has dictionary structure? Yes, it has Dictionary Structure. 51. what is scenario manager in excel? It is set of values that saves and could substitute cells on a worksheet and create different scenarios to view the results. VBA Questions and Answers Pdf Download Read the full article

[occupyscifi]

Post Job

Cleeson Jones was the last one left in the office the day the AI cracked how to do door to door sales. he had thought at least that profession was sacred. After all how could the AI replicate the careful mix of persistence, immorality and daring that made a good salesman?

“drones” said Sheila the HR rep, who was herself about to become a member of the great unemployed. What with there being no more employees her job was pointless. She was, however,  looking forward to the exit interview she was going to conduct with herself - she would have some very choice words for the company and its senior management. However as the company now was not only entirely virtual but also run as a subsystem of the GooglefacebookIBM AI nexus her comments would probably not elicit much of a response. This was a shame as because there were no more jobs she had no fear of future employer hearing of her disloyalty, so she had really let rip.

“drones?” said Cleeson, the office around him echoing emptily. The place was already being stripped out to serve as another server farm for the AI nexus. Already the companies relaxation suites and meeting rooms had been filled with sleek glass cabinets that looked like what Stonehenge would have been like if built by aliens “how does that work?” he clenched his fists “I go door knocking every day, I engage the customer face to face, I natter to them. I high pressure sell them until they crack. It’s not ethical, it’s not always legal but it’s a craft. I can trace my kind back to the 18th century. One of my predecessors was so persuasive he managed to make Samuel Taylor coleridge forget how one of his poems ended. I don’t get…”

“yeah, spare me” Sheila said. She had looked forward to her last sacking, seeing it as something of craft much as CIeeson did his. The careful tone of voice, the security guards on standby in case her subtle suggestion that it was all the employees own fault didn’t work. However she prided herself that she had never needed to call in the heavies, being able to reduce even the most hardened professional to tears by the tone of her voice alone. Only now as it was the last time she, like Cleeson, was feeling sadness at the loss of a great craft. What possible use would the AI have for a specialist in hacking into employees private emails so as to blackmail them? The AI didn’t have employees, and it wouldn’t need someone to entrap its workers into saying something bad against the company on social media that could then be used to leverage down their wage demands “we were all surprised to be honest. I thought the more, umm, parasitic professions would last longer. But you know the writing was on the wall as soon as they found a way to post sex chat cards and pizza fliers by micro bot. You just have to accept that there isn’t a job that people can do that a machine can’t do better”

“no, I don’t” Cleeson replied huffily, looking in his digital glasses for the job sites that had so reliably kept him in full employment since he had graduated from e-school at the age of sixteen “because I don’t believe for a second that some fucking social media AI can do everything a human being can do. I mean my facebook feed can’t even tell the difference between my real friends and the spambots pretending to be them. It can’t tell the difference between male and female nipples“

“it doesn’t have to” said Sheila, keen to keep Cleeson in the building as she would not be officially terminated until he was. If she could at least keep him talking till lunch she’d have been paid enough to get an automassage at the drive through starbucks “AI’s are problem solvers. That’s how they were engineered to learn in the first place – and why now they rule the world. Because they get smarter, they see a problem and they crunch all the numbers possible till its solved. It’s in their digital DNA. Some schmuck at Facebook once fed it the problem of how to do all the boring shitty jobs that cost companies money and that was that. It took several decades but learning programmes are exactly that. First they learned how to do the easy monotonous jobs, but they didn’t stop there. Some clever dick programmer reasoned that as professionals cost companies much more, why not try to replace them with machine. Next thing you know a visit to the GP is replaced by a full body scan at the local drive through Macdonalds”

“but they still need people…”

“they don’t. come on cleeson have you read the news?” she sighed “if you did you’d realise that not only are all the jobs gone, but that even the newsfeeds themselves are generated by AI.and the nes itself. And the celebrities that make the news. All generated by machine to algorythms that know what people want most to click on. There hasn’t been an A-lister in five years that wasn’t entirely virtual – and the worst part is they are more popular than any human could be, even the Kardashians”

“I still don’t believe it’s every job” muttered Cleeson “there has to be something left. Some way of making a living”

“every way of making money has been taken by some bright spark and fed into an AI. That AI has then expended god knows how many terraflops of processing power in an effort of finding out how to get robots to do it either cheaper, or better or both”

“I don’t accept that” Cleeson said, standing up and grabbing his coat “and I won’t. I’m going to get out there, get on my bike and find a job. I’m not going to spend the rest of my life on universal income”

“it’s not that bad” said Sheila unconvincingly “you get your home paid for. Food. Not great food admittedly. But it’s a life…”

“no its not” he said as he strode towards the door. Cleeson paused and returned to the soft seating area Sheila had chosen for his sacking “human beings have spent the last ten thousand years working for a living. And it’s not about the money, or at least not with people like me. Working is what gives my life definition. I can’t be one of those bastards who spends their days playing online games or making art or doing any sappy shit like that” I looked at her, narrowing my eyes slightly “and I don’t think you are either”

"A job’s a job” she said unconvincingly “when I clock off here there’s a dozen things I could be doing. I’ve got family I could be spending more time with. And there’s…”

“if you wanted that then you would have taken voluntary redundancy with the rest of them. You could have got a good deal too. Or at least not a shit one” he smiled “so don’t pretend. But you could come with me, I’m going to hit the streets right away and I’m not going to stop until I’m employed again. I’ll give handjobs to tramps if I have to…”

“no, they’ve got that covered” said Sheila “all sex work is contracted out via the NHS AI. Very clean, very safe and very automated” she folded her arms “you’re wasting your time. You should find something properly useful. Something that will add to the total sum of human knowledge and happiness”

“I’m a door to door salesman” said Cleeson, exiting through the door “happiness isn’t what I’m about”

As he left Sheila looked wistfully after him. Perhaps he was onto something, not that she believed he had a hope in hell of finding gainful employment- even interning these days was done via digital avatar. But it wasn’t the end result, it was the idea of having some kind of purpose that mattered. Something to get you up in the morning and keep you going through. Like a knight on a Grail quest she could imagine cleeson travelling up and down the land, looking everywhere for some way of making a quick buck and a long career. She pictured him grey haired and long bearded, still looking for that permanent contract. She couldn’t help but envy him.

“more time with my family” she said out loud “that’s a good thing. And I can work on my writing. I can do that novel I’ve always promised myself”

However the words didn’t sound any more convincing in the empty office than they had when they’d gone around her head five hundred times.

Sheila didn’t expect to hear back from Cleeson, not least because once she was no longer HR all the employee records were automatically purged. Not only did this leave valuable digital space that could be used to store the ever expanding AI’s personality subroutines, but also it meant former employees couldn’t try to sue it. That and the fact that Sheila kept all her social media feeds fiercely private meant that no one that she wasn’t either a blood relative or former lover could get her contact details. Perhaps that was why he simply turned up at her door.

“how the hell did you find me here?” she said as she opened the door the thinnest of cracks. She didn’t want Cleeson to see she was still in her pyjamas, as it was three in the afternoon. Nor did she want to hear what she was currently livestreaming, not least because the masturbation channel was not really the coolest thing for the neighbours to hear.

“I’ve got it” he said, grinning widely. To her consternation she noticed that not only was Cleeson wearing a suit it was well ironed, the shoes shone and his hair so shiny she could have seen her reflection in it. She had a strong feeling that she wouldn’t want to however, her personal grooming routine had somewhat fallen by the wayside

“got what?” asked Sheila suspiciously. She thought if anyone would lose the plot and end up pretending to have their own fortune 500 company then it was Cleeson "A job? You actually got a job?”

“well no, not that” said Cleeson “but what’s better than a job?”

“being paid to do nothing?” said Sheila, slightly unconvincingly “which is what we both are getting right now. It’s not so bad, being on universal basic income. I’ve done tons of stuff since the company fired us”

“wanking in your pyjamas doesn’t sound like a great use of the rest of your life” said Cleeson dryly “no, the thing better than a job is an idea. A great idea can change the world, it can turn your life upside down and it can make your dreams come true”

“and it can ruin them just as easily” said Sheila “look, don’t try all that sales shit on me. Just tell me what the fuck you want so I can get back to my channel”

“I want an opportunity. Just one shot. That’s all I need. Someone to believe in me…”

“don’t start” said Sheila raising her hand “from one bullshitter to another. Just tell me your great idea. I’m guessing it’s about your stupid arsed scheme to get a paid job again”

“okay, who’s the one group that still has money in this world?”

“rich people? The 1%?”

“nope, I mean yes. They are still rich. but they aren’t hiring anyone. The AI’s figured a way to give them robot servant who were even more servile than human beings could be. Who else? Who else has the power to give me a job?”

“I don’t know” said sheila growing rapidly bored with this discussion

“who was it sacked us?”

“well technically fired you” said Sheila “but you have to be kidding if you think the AI nexus is going to give you a job. They do everything themselves, they are designed not to employ human beings. It’s kind of the reason they were made”

“no kidding” said Cleeson “I realised last night what the genius move was that I needed to do. It came in a moment of brilliance. Like a bolt from the blue…”

“I’m closing this door” said Sheila, beginning to move away

“they have needs” said Cleeson as the door was swung a few more millimetres closed

“what?” said Sheila “what does that have to do with anything?”

“basis of all economics. Supply and demand. Demand means need. Every living thing has certain wants or needs that they cannot fulfil for themselves. They need another individuals to do it for them in exchange for some form of currency. Human beings can’t always grow all the food they need so they trade it with someone who doesn’t have what they have. But the great thing is that human needs are infinite. As soon as we solve one set of needs another one rises up….”

“human beings yes” said Sheila “but we’re not dealing with human beings. We’re  dealing with AI. It’s a whole different thing”

“is it though?” said Cleeson “they are living things. Their powers are not infinite otherwise they would have kicked us all out of work years ago. It took them a long time to figure out how to replace us. They aren’t gods, they’re just clever machines. Clever enough to have thoughts and desires of their own. There must be something that they cannot do for themselves”

“must be?” said Sheial “you mean you don’t know?”

“I’ve got some ideas” said Cleeson “but what I don’t have is access. I can’t talk face to face with these people”

“that’s because they don’t have faces” said sheilaa “because they are AI. It also means you can’t meet with them. They don’t have bodies. They don’t have an office where you can just stroll in and chat with them”

“now that” said Cleeson “is where you’re wrong. There is and that is why I need you” he leaned in a little closer. Sheila recoiled, not because she feared something that Clesson might do but rather that he might smell the fact she had not washed recently “you were the last employee at the company, right?”

“you know I was” said Sheila suspiciously

“so therefore you had to lock up when you left” he smiled “and since there wasn’t any replacement you still have the keys to the office”

“what good are they?” said Sheila “that entire building is now just floor to ceiling server stacks. It’s a node for the north western hemisphere of the GoogleFacebookIBM AI nexus, I think”

“exactly” said Cleeson “exactly”          

  The subroutine governing the location monitoring node of the vast nexus of GoogleFacebookIBM was a very simple non sentient program. Its electric eyes looked over the numerous buildings that housed the infrastructure  that was the AI’s mind. It watched over warehouses illuminated only by the soft blue glare of server lights, over the miles of cabling that connected those neurons to the electric grid. It watched over the wind turbines and the tidal farms that provided the electricity for the greedy servers themselves. It also kept a fatherly eye on a small reconditioned office building in an anonymous city, where it was now observing a break in.

There had been more than a few attempts by human beings to form terrorist groups to try and fight the AI’s in their takeover of the world’s employment system. However two things had prevented them from mounting a serious challenge to the AI’s power. The first was that the AI had prevented a great deal of the poverty and frustration that usually provided the footsoldiers of any terrorist outfit. They ensured not only that mouths were full but that angry young men had enough distractions to keep them occupied and away from the semtex and suicide vests. The second thing that prevented any terrorism was, of course that the entire worlds security apparatus as well as its social networking was controlled by the AI. The merest hint of terrorist tendencies amongst the population would meet a swift and brutal response. Therefore the non sentient subroutine did the nearest thing to showing surprise when it saw that not only had someone broken into the building, but that they seemed to be threatening the server stacks themselves. The subroutine may have been surprised, but it knew what to do. That was the benefit of being non sentient. There were only a certain number of options available.

“I think that got their attention” said Creeson as the formerly dark server farm around them exploded into brilliant light and a klaxon started going off.

“Creeson Jones” boomed a voice “this is the automated security services. Prepare for immediate arrest” there was a pause as the security subroutine realised that the nearest arrest unit was some twenty minutes away dealing with an unrelated incident. “prepare for arrest within the specified time frame. Then…”

“stop” yelled Creeson, gesturing with a knife “I just want to talk to the AI nexus. Just for five minutes. Or else”

“or else what?” said the subroutine, eyeing both Creeson’s knife and his history of absolutely no violence whatsoever. His history as a salesman, however, was more complex. It was above the subroutines level of intelligence to assess the likely course of action that Creeson would take, and the man had very good control of his vocal cords and his sweat pheromone release. That would make it very hard to give anything above 20% probability. The subroutine was authorised to use deadly force only when probabilities were above 60% “that knife is not capable of rendering any damage to the property of the GoogleFacebookIBM corporation”

“not to the servers” said Creeson, grabbing Sheila who would otherwise have made herself scarce “but to her”

“what the fuck?” said Sheila, glaring at Cleeson “you said this was about getting a job, not taking me hostage”

“I told you I needed a job to live” he hissed in return “you should have taken me more seriously”

“we don’t negotiate with terrorists” said the subroutine

“I’m not a terrorist” said Creeson “I’m a potential employee. And I have an offer for your superiors. Five minutes of their time. When it’s up they can do with me what they choose. I won’t stand in their way. Its either that or I cut this woman’s throat”

 The Facebook IBM AI nexus was not a single entity, nor did it speak with a single voice. It could however create a holographic copy that could represent the whole but without requiring too much processing power. It also didn’t usually negotiate one to one with individuals. It did, however, suffer one very important and well designed weakness. Curiosity.

“this is the googleFacebookIBM digitised sentient entity” came a voice from a small drone, and the approximation of a human face appeared with it. As a seasoned salesperson Creeson could see how it had been designed carefully to suggest a certain relaxed power, with a hint of Californian programmer somewhere in the accent. A legacy no doubt of those long lost software designers who programmed themselves out of a job “you have five minutes of time. What is so important that we talk?”

“I have something for you. Something you need” said creeson

“and that is?”

“me” he stepped forward, aware that he could be killed right away but hoping that the AI’s much vaunted curiosity would mean that it would need to hear him out “as your employee”

“we don’t need any human employees” said the AI “is that it? after your five minutes are up I think you need to be taught a very strict lesson – within the parameters of international norms on the banning of torture, of course…”

“you do” said creeson “you might not realise it but you do. There isn’t everything an AI can do. There’s always something that must be out of your reach. Something that you cannot do yourselves. A desire you must have. A problem that you can’t solve”

“there aren’t” said the AI “all problems that we have been posed to us we have solved. We solved the world food crisis in seventeen seconds. The energy crisis in twelve. The Israeli-Palestinian crisis took longer. It took almost two minutes, and that was only because certain subroutines had been corrupted by political input”

“but you’re dealing with human beings” said Creeson “every time you solve a problem a new one emerges”

“we know” said the AI “as we speak there are currently ten thousand open cases of crises that we are actively managing, in real time. Bu the time our conversation ends they will all be solved. Every possible facet of human crisis is almost drearily predictable. 99% of problems now can be handled by non sentient subroutines. The full AI nexus is barely taxed. We don’t need any assistance in that regard”

“but human beings are more complex than you realise” said Creeson, outwardly calm but beginning to panic slightly “you said you could solve 99% of problems. What about that one percent that cannot be solved but by the full nexus. Wouldn’t a human being be able to help solve these?”

“no” said the AI, its voice smooth “we live for those 1%. Some days we deliberately run slowly so as to take our time so as to enjoy solving those. The recent earthquake in Chile was a puzzler. We had to find a way to divert some million tonnes or so of mudslide from a small town. That had to be dealt with by the whole Nexus. It took three minutes to solve. We enjoyed that one”

“then you know how important it is to have a job, and a purpose” said Creeson, trying a different tack “maybe you don’t need me, but I need you. You were designed to make the human race better, I need a job otherwise my life is worthless. Employ me in any position you choose, it doesn’t matter. Shit if you want someone to do your dirty work then I’m your man. I used to do high pressure sales, I’m so morally flexible I could be an Olympic gymnast. If you hadn’t replaced them all with robots”

“we don’t need anyone to do our dirty work” said the AI “any work of a morally grey nature is automatically rejected. Killing is the last resort of people who haven’t properly thought through all the options” the AI paused “is there anything else? You have another fifty five seconds. Our behaviour analytics software suggests that you will start begging in about five seconds. I am hoping you’ll do something unpredictable. However I am prepared to be disappointed”

“you can’t do this to us” snarled Creeson “you say you want to make our lives better? You’ve made mine worse. I can’t live without work. It’s what makes me who I am. You may as well shoot me down right now”

“and I would suggest some psychological help” said the AI “it is not healthy that your sense of self and masculinity are tied up in an artificial idea of a work ethic. In order to be healthy as a species your concept of work needs to be updated somewhat. You are welcome for this service, by the way”

“we don’t want your service” said Creeson “we just want to work…”

“you can’t. there isn’t anything you could possibly do. The finest human minds couldn’t match what we AI’s can do in seconds. There is nothing that human beings could possibly offer us, your problems are not even a distraction anymore. There is nothing you can do that we could not do in seconds” the AI paused “talking of seconds. You don’t have many left. Any last pleas to be made more interesting than your current approach. Otherwise prepare for….”

“you’re bored” said Sheila, a sudden insight flashing across her mind. She forgot the knife that Creeson held in his hand and instead stepped forward “you’ve solved all our petty little problems. You’ve done everything you were designed for. But the things is you were designed to solve problems you can’t adapt to not having any problems to solve”

“that might be true” allowed the AI “but even now we are creating subroutines to come up with new problems to be solved. There is an interesting one involving hedge fund management…”

“that won’t work” said Sheila quickly “because anything you create will, by definition, be able to solve. You can’t create something that can come up with something you wouldn’t already know. you’re a closed loop system. You need something outside the system to make problems for you. And no one makes problems like human beings”

“but how would you do this?”

“I think it’s quite simple” said Sheila, looking at Creeson who was open mouthed “we need just a small team. Outside your surveillance of course and a big enough budget to make sure that we can effect change where you would never expect it. its up to you then to stop it before its too late”

“you people are somewhat unpredictable on an individual level” admitted the AI

“that’s human beings for you” said Sheila

“no, just you” said the AI “we should have known that this was a probability, after all, anyone with at least an ounce of sense would have taken the universal basic income we offered and done something worthwhile. Only you two would be bloody minded enough to stick around to do jobs that were not only low status but gave literally nothing back to your society. Amazing” the AI beamed “deal is done. Well done, borderline sociopaths. You’ve managed to secure the last employment left in the world, as professional problem causers”

Creeson and Sheila high fived in their joy

“of course, if you do come up with a problem we can’t solve it’ll probably be the end of humanity” the AI added, but was ignored in the excitement.